In an wonderful post, the author John Scalzi produced twelve standard responses to online stupidity. The list seems complete and covers most cases.

The list:

1. I don’t care what you think.
2. I didn’t ask you.
3. No doubt you thought that was terribly clever.
4. You’ve attempted logic. Not all attempts succeed.
5. One should not have that many errors in that few characters.
6. Either your educators have failed you, or you have failed them.
7. I see you’ve invited me to an argument. I decline.
8. It appears an asshole has hacked your account and is posting in your name.
9. Funny, most people go out of their way not to be a public bigot.
10. Cosplaying as a tantrum-throwing child is no way to go through life.
11. I’m sorry that you are so obviously scared of the world.
12. My attention is a privilege, not a right. This is all you get.

I saw on Twitter than someone had made a random response generating page. I decided that a local version was also in order.

The Scalzi Generator

The project is a ruby script that can be run from the command line. It also contains a MacOS X workflow file that can be installed as a system service.

Visit my GitHub project page to see examples and download the files.